 I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. |
| You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot. |
| Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? |
| To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy. |
| I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. |
| When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. |
| I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. |
| The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born. |
| When the sun comes up, I have morals again. |
| Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers? |
| My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions. |
