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Elayne Boosler Quotes

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Elayne Boosler
August 18, 1952 -
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.


You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.


Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?


To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.


I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.


When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.


I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.


The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.


When the sun comes up, I have morals again.


Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?


My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.


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