 Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts. |
| There are no friends at cards or world politics. |
| The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. |
| There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare. |
| A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case. |
| It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it. |
| Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it. |
| An appeal is when you ask one court to show it's contempt for another court. |
| One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it. |
| A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable. |
| Don't jump on a man unless he is down. |
| The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual. |
| Trust everybody, but cut the cards. |
| Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals. |
| The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married. |
| Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable. |
