A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. |
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. |
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. |
Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. |
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. |
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. |
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. |
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. |
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. |
California is a great place to live if you're an orange. |
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. |
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. |
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. |
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt. |