 I always wake up at the crack of ice. |
| It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money. |
| I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them. |
| If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor. |
| Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on. |
| A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on. |
| There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty. |
| The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. |
| I drink to forget I drink. |
| Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty. |
| Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest. |
| I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. |
| They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses. |
| I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. |
| Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people. |
| You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough. |
| I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves. |
| You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough. |
| Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum. |
| We can afford almost any mistake once. |
