 Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD. |
| I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them. |
| I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with. |
| I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. |
| If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure. |
| After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird. |
| The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage. |
| My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends. |
| It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks. |
| The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. |
| Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that. |
| People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it. |
| If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it? |
| Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get. |
| When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it. |
| Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends. |
| I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig. |
| Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out. |
| Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much. |
| To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me. |
