 Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric! |
| It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. |
| I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs. |
| If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it. |
| There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out. |
| Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out. |
| You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear. |
| This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the last minute. |
| They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day. |
| I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind. |
| We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases. |
| My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with. |
| I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show. |
| Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian. |
| I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough. |
| For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason. |
| When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that. |
| You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led. |
| I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia. |
| With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle. |
