 Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. |
| The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't. |
| Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it. |
| The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them. |
| There are never enough I Love You's. |
| A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. |
| If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses. |
| The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds. |
| I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do. |
| In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. |
| Communism is like one big phone company. |
| I'll die young, but it's like kissing God. |
| When you're eight years old nothing is your business. |
| The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is. |
| The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter. |
| If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone. |
| Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. |
| I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up. |
