 I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. |
| Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? |
| It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. |
| We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. |
| If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? |
| Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing. |
| No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. |
| Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. |
| The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. |
| What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch. |
| Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. |
| Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. |
| There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. |
| I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. |
| Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? |
| Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. |
| Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. |
| I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. |
| We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. |
| We're all in this alone. |
