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Milton Berle Quotes

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Milton Berle
July 12, 1908 - March 27, 2002
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.


You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.


Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.


We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.


A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.


I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.


I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.


If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.


Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.


I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.


The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.


If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?


Laughter is an instant vacation.


I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?


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