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Patton Oswalt Quotes

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Patton Oswalt
January 27, 1969 -
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes.


It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.


I'm not familiar with the metric system.


If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.


90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.


I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage.


I hate all sidekicks.


I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form.


George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.


I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.


I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.


Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period.


I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.


I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.


I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see.


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