 I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes. |
| It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now. |
| I'm not familiar with the metric system. |
| If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. |
| 90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on. |
| I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage. |
| I hate all sidekicks. |
| I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form. |
| George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil. |
| I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you. |
| I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything. |
| Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period. |
| I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians. |
| I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do. |
| I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see. |
