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Spike Milligan Quotes

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Spike Milligan
April 16, 1918 - February 27, 2002
Nationality: Irish
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: Irish Comedian

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.


I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.


I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.


I'm a hero with coward's legs.


It's all in the mind, you know.


A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.


My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.


Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.


How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.


It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.


Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?


I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.


All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.


For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.


Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.


I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.


Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.


I can speak Esperanto like a native.


I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.


Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.


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