Youre here: Home » Famous Quotes » Tim Vine Quotes


» Famous Quotes Home

» Quote Topics

» Author Nationalities

» Author Types

» Popular Searches

 Browse authors:

Tim Vine Quotes

Page 1 of 1
Tim Vine
March 4, 1967 -
Nationality: British
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: British Comedian

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.


You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.


I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.


So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'


Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.


So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.


I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.


So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'


So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"


You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.


So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'


Privacy Policy
Copyright © 1999-2008 All rights reserved.