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Wilson Mizner Quotes

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Wilson Mizner
May 19, 1876 - April 3, 1933
Nationality: American
Category: Dramatist
Subcategory: American Dramatist

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.


To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.


You sparkle with larceny.


God help those who do not help themselves.


The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.


To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.


Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.


Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.


I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.


A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.


Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.


There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.


I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.


Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.


Art is science made clear.


Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.


If you count all your assets you always show a profit.


I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.


A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.


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