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Bill Maher Quotes

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Bill Maher
January 20, 1956 -
Category: Comedian

Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.


What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.


Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.


It's all been satirized for your protection.


To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.


When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.


I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.


Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'


Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?


A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.


The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.


We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.


Men are only as loyal as their options.


Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.


They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.


I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?


We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.


Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."


Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.


Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.


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