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David Letterman Quotes

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David Letterman
April 12, 1947 -
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.


I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.


Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.


President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?


There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.


The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts.


Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.


The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.


We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.


New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.


President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.


There is no off position on the genius switch.


I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.


It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?


Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.


I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.


Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.


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