 Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face. |
| Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now. |
| I'm competitive at everything. |
| Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with. |
| Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar. |
| As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. |
| When I play poker, I don't like losing the pot. |
| That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment. |
| Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better. |
| When the show's in production, we work for three weeks at a time and then take a week off. |
| I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck. |
| Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there. |
| Nothing's funny about someone who's successful. |
| Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures. |
| The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them. |
| I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me? |
| But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy. |
| We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again. |
| When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show. |
| I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid. |
