 Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. |
| The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks. |
| You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life. |
| I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes. |
| I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them. |
| Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist. |
| My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. |
| Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day. |
| My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. |
| How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. |
| My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. Topics: Computer |
| Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy. |
| I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. |
| I'm a great lover, I'll bet. |
| Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. |
| I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks. |
| I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. |
| I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!' |
| I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." |
| He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. |
