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Fred Allen Quotes

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Fred Allen
May 31, 1894 - March 17, 1956
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.


What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?


I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.


The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.


You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.


Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.


I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.


I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.


A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.


Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.


Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.


I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.


I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.


Television is the triumph of machine over people.


California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.


We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.


It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.


I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.


An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.


The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.


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