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Fred Allen Quotes

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Fred Allen
May 31, 1894 - March 17, 1956
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.


I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.


Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.


A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.


Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.


The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.


Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.


An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.


Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.


Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.


I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.


Imitation is the sincerest form of television.


The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.


Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.


I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.


Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.


Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.


An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.


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