 The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. |
| I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. |
| Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. |
| A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. |
| Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. |
| The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. |
| Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. |
| An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. |
| Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. |
| Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. |
| I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. |
| Imitation is the sincerest form of television. |
| The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. |
| Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. |
| I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. |
| Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. |
| Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. |
| An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. |
