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George Burns Quotes

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George Burns
January 20, 1896 - March 9, 1996
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.


The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.


You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.


I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.


How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.


At my age flowers scare me.


If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.


Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.


It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.


First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.


It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.


This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.


I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.


If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.


Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.


I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.


I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.


Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.


How can I die? I'm booked.


Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.


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