 Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. |
| The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. |
| You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. |
| I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. |
| How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days. |
| At my age flowers scare me. |
| If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. |
| Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. |
| It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere. |
| First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. |
| It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. |
| This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. |
| I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. |
| If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it. |
| Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. |
| I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money. |
| I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. |
| Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. |
| How can I die? I'm booked. |
| Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. |
