 The sanity of the average banquet speaker lasts about two and a half months; at the end of that time he begins to mutter to himself, and calls out in his sleep. |
| Love is the strange bewilderment that overtakes one person on account of another person. |
| There is something about a poet which leads us to believe that he died, in many cases, as long as 20 years before his birth. |
| Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness. |
| We all have faults, and mine is being wicked. |
| Unless artists can remember what it was to be a little boy, they are only half complete as artist and as man. |
| The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people - that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature. |
| If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. |
| Last night I dreamed of a small consolation enjoyed only by the blind: Nobody knows the trouble I've not seen! |
| The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody's guess. |
| You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. |
| There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. |
| You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward. |
| The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his. |
| My opposition to Interviews lies in the fact that offhand answers have little value or grace of expression, and that such oral give and take helps to perpetuate the decline of the English language. |
| Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost. |
| I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere. |
| Discussion in America means dissent. |
| Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead. |
| Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years. |
