 After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride. |
| I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world. |
| My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese. |
| I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights. |
| I saw a stationery store move. |
| I was born nine months premature. |
| A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked. |
| It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. |
| You know what burns me? Matches. |
| I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody. |
| I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road. |
| My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless. |
| Does anybody know what I'm doing up here? |
| I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who? |
| I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out. |
| At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you? |
| My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings. |
| People read me but they don't subscribe. |
| I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling. |
| I model irregular clothing. |
