 Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. |
| When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. |
| Women love a self-confident bald man. |
| There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. |
| Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. |
| I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab. |
| Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married! |
| There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation. |
| I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War. |
| I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am. |
| I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish. |
| You write about what you know. |
| Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. |
| In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year. |
| Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate. |
| I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian. |
| I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized. |
| It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. |
| When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless. |
| Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then. |
