 Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. |
| There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends. |
| Too clever is dumb. |
| I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. |
| The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. |
| There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all. |
| Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. |
| I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm. |
| I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. |
| A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. |
| People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. |
| The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin. |
| Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. |
| Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor. |
| Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs. |
| Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early? |
| The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat. |
| Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. |
| I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. |
| Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money? |
