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Phyllis Diller Quotes

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Phyllis Diller
July 17, 1917 -
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.


His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.


A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.


Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.


There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?


Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.


Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.


Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

    Topics: Age

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.


It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.


My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.


The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.


I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'


I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.


Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.


Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?


Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.


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