 Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. |
| You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. |
| I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. |
| Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. Topics: Funny |
| I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. |
| I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. |
| If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. |
| A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. |
| The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. |
| Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. |
| My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. |
| Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. |
| The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. |
| Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. |
| You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. |
| My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. |
| I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? |
| Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Topics: Children, Funny |
| There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. |
| We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Topics: Children |
