 Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. |
| The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. |
| The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. Topics: Children, Funny |
| To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. |
| Manners are love in a cool climate. |
| However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police. |
| An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing. |
| Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. |
| The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. |
| Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. |
| For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change. |
| Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin. |
| The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. |
| Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. |
| Men get laid, but women get screwed. |
| When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? |
| The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. |
| If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. |
| It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough. |
| Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. |
