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Robert Benchley Quotes

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Robert Benchley
September 15, 1889 - September 21, 1945
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.


You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.


Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.


There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.


Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

    Topics: Funny, Children

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.


I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.


A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.


Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.


We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.


I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.


I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.


Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.


Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.


Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?


In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.


Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.


A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.


The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.


There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.


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