 Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money. |
| Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose. |
| You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks. |
| I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. |
| If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. |
| Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. |
| Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. |
| What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. |
| Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!" |
| See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. |
| When in doubt, go for the dick joke. |
| Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. |
| The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?' |
| People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. |
| Comedy is acting out optimism. |
| Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? |
| You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. |
| The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev. |
| I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice. |
| Carpe per diem - seize the check. |
