 Americans like fat books and thin women. |
| Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. |
| In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses. |
| Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. |
| Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. |
| A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday. |
| What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple of closets to most Americans, yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow trees and cockroaches right on the premises. |
| People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately. |
| People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. |
| When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools. |
| Children rarely want to know who their parents were before they were parents, and when age finally stirs their curiosity, there is no parent left to tell them. |
| The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him. |
| Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity. |
| An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong. |
| Poetry is so vital to us until school spoils it. |
| I gave up on new poetry myself 30 years ago when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens in a hostile world. |
| Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. |
| The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any. |
| Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things. |
| Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity. |
