 Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. |
| Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. |
| Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen. |
| Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for. |
| The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge. |
| Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. |
| Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue. |
| Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends. |
| Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors. |
| Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. |
| Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. |
| Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. |
| Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. |
| Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. |
| Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. |
| When you doubt, abstain. |
| The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff. |
| Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. |
| Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. |
| Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. |
