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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Page 6 of 8
Ambrose Bierce
June 24, 1842 - 1914
Nationality: American
Category: Journalist
Subcategory: American Journalist

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.


Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.


Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.


Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.


The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.


Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.


Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.


Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.


Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.


Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.


Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.


Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.


Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.


Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.


Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.


When you doubt, abstain.


The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.


Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.


Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.


Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.


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