 Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice. |
| The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. |
| Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes. |
| Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. |
| I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread. |
| Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much. |
| Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. |
| As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest." |
