 Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. |
| There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right. |
| Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. |
| The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic. Topics: Funny |
| The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now. |
| I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't. |
| People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on. |
| The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods. |
| Gray hair is God's graffiti. |
| Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Topics: Children |
| I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time. |
| When you become senile, you won't know it. |
| A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station. |
| No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal. |
| Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. Topics: Funny |
| Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first. |
| If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. |
| Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children. Topics: Children |
| There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. |
| Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it. |
