 You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. |
| You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. |
| What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? |
| I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. |
| I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. |
| Weather forecast for tonight: dark. |
| When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? |
| The status quo sucks. |
| May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. |
| "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? |
| I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. |
| Electricity is really just organized lightning. |
| Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. |
| Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. |
