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George Carlin Quotes

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George Carlin
May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.


You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.


What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?


I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.


I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.


Weather forecast for tonight: dark.


When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?


The status quo sucks.


May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.


"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?


I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.


Electricity is really just organized lightning.


Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.


Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.


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