 Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. |
| Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. |
| If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. |
| I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work. |
| By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. |
| Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. |
| One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. |
| The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. Topics: Funny |
| I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. |
| When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. |
| Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. |
| At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. |
| If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. |
| Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. |
| In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. |
| Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. |
| Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? |
| If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. |
| When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. |
| People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. |
