 This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! |
| My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! |
| If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. |
| Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. |
| The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. |
| There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out. |
| When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. |
| My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. |
| I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet. |
| A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. |
| My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. |
| That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! |
| She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. |
| I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. |
| You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. |
| She has a wash and wear bridal gown. |
| This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. |
| You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready. |
| Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. |
| My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. |
