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Johnny Carson Quotes


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Johnny Carson
October 23, 1925 - January 23, 2005
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

   

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

   

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

   

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

   

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

   

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

   

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are your ready?"

   

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

   

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

   

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

   

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

   

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

   

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

   

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

   

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

   

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

   

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

   

We're more effective than birth control pills.

   

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

    Topics: Funny Love

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

   

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