 It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then? |
| I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. |
| People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky. |
| I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before. |
| Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1000 of something is too many. I'll have 1000 pieces of noodles. |
| Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. |
| My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero? |
| I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people. |
| I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle. |
| It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky. |
| Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny! |
| My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. |
| You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. |
| Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show. |
| I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. |
| I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too. |
| I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. |
| I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. |
| Every book is a children's book if the kid can read! |
| Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults. |
