 I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. |
| When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. |
| My mother had morning sickness after I was born. |
| When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. |
| When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. |
| This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. |
| I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. |
| I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. |
| Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. |
| We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. Topics: Marriage |
| My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. |
| Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. |
| I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. |
| I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. |
| I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. |
| I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. |
| I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. |
