 Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. |
| No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. |
| Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. |
| Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. |
| It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. |
| Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. |
| Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. |
| The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. |
| If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. |
| Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. |
| The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart. |
| Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? |
| Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. |
| I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. |
| On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. |
| A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. |
| I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. |
| It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. |
| I like children - fried. |
| I drink therefore I am. |
