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W. C. Fields Quotes


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W. C. Fields
January 29, 1880 - December 25, 1946
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

   

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

   

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

   

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

   

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

   

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

   

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

   

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

   

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

   

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

   

I must have a drink of breakfast.

   

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

   

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

   

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

   

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

   

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

   

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

   

Never give a sucker an even break.

   

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

   

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

   

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