 Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. |
| Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. |
| I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. |
| Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. |
| When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. |
| If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. |
| Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. |
| Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. |
| Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. |
| I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. |
| I must have a drink of breakfast. |
| Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. |
| The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. |
| Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. |
| There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. |
| There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. |
| Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. |
| Never give a sucker an even break. |
| I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. |
| Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. |
