 The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. |
| The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. |
| We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires. |
| My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. |
| I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. Topics: Computer |
| Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. |
| Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. |
| American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. |
| I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. |
| What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. |
| Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro. |
| To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. |
| If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. |
| I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories. |
| Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. |
| Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. |
| I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. |
| The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. |
| The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter. Topics: Sports |
| It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. |
