 Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. |
| The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. |
| We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. |
| The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. |
| Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. |
| Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically. |
| I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. |
| People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. |
| The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. |
| Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. |
| The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. |
| The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. |
| The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers. |
| The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. |
| Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. |
| If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. |
| 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. |
| For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. |
| Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. |
| What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. |
