Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. |
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. |
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! |
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. |
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. |
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. |
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. |
Go, and never darken my towels again. |
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. |
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. |
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. |
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. |
Room service? Send up a larger room. |
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. |
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. |
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. |
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. |
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. |
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. |
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. |