 Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. |
| A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. |
| Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! |
| One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. |
| Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. |
| If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. |
| It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. |
| Go, and never darken my towels again. |
| Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. |
| I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. |
| Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. |
| If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. |
| Room service? Send up a larger room. |
| Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. |
| Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. |
| I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. |
| Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. |
| A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. |
| Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. |
| I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. |
