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Groucho Marx Quotes

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Groucho Marx
October 2, 1895 - August 19, 1977
Nationality: American
Category: Comedian
Subcategory: American Comedian

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.


I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.


I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.


Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?


All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.


Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?


I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.


I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.


I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.


Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.


A man's only as old as the woman he feels.


I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.


I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.


She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.


Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.


In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.


I intend to live forever, or die trying.


Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.


Before I speak, I have something important to say.


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