 I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. |
| I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. |
| I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. |
| I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. |
| Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? |
| All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. |
| Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? |
| I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. |
| I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. |
| I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. |
| Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. |
| A man's only as old as the woman he feels. |
| I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. |
| I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. |
| She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. |
| Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. |
| In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. |
| I intend to live forever, or die trying. |
| Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. |
| Before I speak, I have something important to say. |
