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Woody Allen Quotes

Page 3 of 4
Woody Allen
December 1, 1935 -
Nationality: American
Category: Director
Subcategory: American Director

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.


When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.


If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.


I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.


Marriage is the death of hope.


He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.


Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.


I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.


What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.


I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.


I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'


Eighty percent of success is showing up.


Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.


I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.


Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.


Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.


I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.


Tradition is the illusion of permanance.


My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.


Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?


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