 The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt. |
| The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. |
| The cynics are right nine times out of ten. |
| We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. |
| Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. |
| Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. |
| Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience. |
| It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. |
| An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. |
| The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. |
| Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. |
| Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. |
| When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before. |
| For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. |
| A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. |
| In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. |
| Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. |
| Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. |
| Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it. |
| Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil. |
