 Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong. |
| I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. |
| A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. |
| A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there. |
| The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. |
| Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies. |
| No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man. |
| Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. |
| The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil. |
| Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. |
| We must be willing to pay a price for freedom. |
| No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight. |
| It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. |
| Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. |
| Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. |
| When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. |
| The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. |
| Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking. |
| A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. |
| Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love. |
