 Honor is simply the morality of superior men. |
| Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. |
| The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. |
| I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing. |
| There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor. |
| No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. |
| What men value in this world is not rights but privileges. |
| The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. |
| In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. |
| Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in. |
| It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. |
| Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. |
| Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious. |
| No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not. |
| I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. |
| Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. |
| Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse. |
| I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. |
| Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient. |
| All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. |
