 If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? |
| Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' |
| I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. |
| I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.' |
| It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. |
| What's another word for Thesaurus? |
| I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. |
| When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules? |
| I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' |
| On the other hand, you have different fingers. |
| My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out. |
| I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. |
| How young can you die of old age? |
| I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. |
| I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. |
| If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? |
| I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. |
| I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. |
| For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. |
| Hermits have no peer pressure. |
